Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
