He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
