The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
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I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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