You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
