smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
