Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
