So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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