Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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