Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Never underestimate the power of titties
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
