Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
only you would photoshop your dick
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
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Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
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I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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