Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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