I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize