You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
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yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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