I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
