im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
