Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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