well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
