walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
