guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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