he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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