I'm pants shitting drunk right now
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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