Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The beer is more important than you right now.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
