Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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