Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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