I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.