thus making me awesome and them whores
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here