it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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