Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Everything about him screamed your future.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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