she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
