Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish my penis had an off switch
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
