I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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