Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
