If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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