I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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