I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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