reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
