Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
