Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
