I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
