tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
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its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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