Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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