Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
