I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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