I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
