Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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