i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
