When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Holy sore nipples Batman
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
