i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
