his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
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toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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