they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
