If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
