I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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