Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
