If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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