Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
