I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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