shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
