The maid of honor just puked.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
