Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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