when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
