i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
