we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
