What a fucking waste of an outfit
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
