Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
