remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
